Why Bubble Tea is REALLY So Popular
by Foxglove Nightshade
Summary: Utter madness. Alice goes back to Wonderland, and relives her classic adventures with a new twist. Contains large amount of bubble tea and randomness...not for the borderline sane!
1. Pilot chapter: The Bubbles Begin

A/N: SEE! This is what happens when I act! Kelly knows! I have been living, breathing, eating (well, maybe not eating…I AM a vegetarian after all), and sleeping Alice in Wonderland, and especially my character, the March Hare. So, sorry if this is a bit Hare-centric, but he IS the character I know the best.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Alice in Wonderland, Bunsen burners, or bubble tea (unfortunately. If I did, I would drink it all day, and not have enought time to even write this story.)

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Why Bubble Tea is REALLY So Popular

* * *

Alice stared out the window of her room. It was a dreary, rainy day, and her mood fit the weather outside perfectly- both were frightful. 

"Alice!" her sister called impatiently "its tea time!"

"ONE minute, Elsie!" she called back, still gazing out the window. Five years ago today she had fallen down a rabbit hole into a strange other world, populated by rabbits with pocketwatches, cats who grinned, strange mad folk who loved tea, babies who turned into pig, talking flowers, and card soldiers. If she closed her eyes and listened closely, she could still hear the voices of the dodo bird, the lory, the mouse, the eaglet, and assorted other animals calling 'a caucus race! A caucus race!'

She looked up, and stood unsteadily on a chair. Once up, she leaped to the bed, catching onto the canopy, and falling with a _plump_! Standing up once again, she jumped from the bad to another chair, to the dresser, to a windowsill, back to the first chair, and onto the bad again, faster and faster, until she was in a mad caucus race of her own.

"Alice! What in heaven's name do you think you're doing!" Elsie gasped, as she re-entered the room.

Alice paused guiltily on top of the dresser. "I'm having a caucus race." She said sheepishly.

"A-" Elsie shook her head. "Alice, straighten yourself up. And get down off that dresser! We're late for tea."

Alice sighed, and looked around the room. 'Prizes! Prizes' echoed the memories in her mind. Sighing, she shook her head, and followed her sister to tea.

* * *

"There's something missing." The Mad Hatter looked around the table. "The tea is here…the sugar…jam…lemons…unbirthday cake….mustard…watch remains…Bunsen burner…cream…avocadoes…wine…golden lion marmosets…" 

The March Hare blinked at him, and squinted through the three-inch magnifying glasses he was using to look closely at the tapioca grains he was cooking. "There isn't anything missing. You have a big nose."

"I know what it is!" the Mad Hatter jumped onto the table. "Do you remember that girl?"

"No." one of the tapioca grains blew up in the March Hare's face, and he jumped on the table too, tripping over the teapot. The Dormouse spilled out, and went sliding into a mound of sugar. Starting to dance, the March Hare caught up the Hatter's arm, and danced around in a circle. "Have a cup of tea. It will make you feel better. It's the only thing that practically works almost most of the time."

"No." the Hatter stood up and took off his hat. Picking up the dormouse and putting him into the hat, he put the hat back onto his head. "If the White Rabbit is able to travel between here and a different world, then we ought to.

The March Hare sprinkled some tea onto the Dormouse's nose. The Dormouse sneezed, and started to mutter "Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle…"

Jumping back the Hare shrieked "Pinch its nose and make it STOP! It won't do to anger Time anymore." He looked around suspiciously, his eyes comically enlarged by the spectacles. "You're right. I've decided to resume traveling. I remember the time I saw a Bandersnatch in…in…in Kalamazoo! It was going in a rather…northwesterly direction…"

The Hatter raised his eyebrows. "Yes. Well, as I was saying…"

The Hare leaped down from the table, and began a furious working that made the Hatter jump back, and drop his hat, and the Dormouse, into a bowl of cream.

"Here!" the Hare held up a small oblong cup, with a fat straw. "It's the new thing in tea, I've heard. Strawberry or mango?"

"What is it? Strawberry, please." The Hatter put his hat back on, and accepted the cup.

"Bubble tea! Those little black things are the bubbles."

"They look more like black snowballs to me."

The Hare sucked on the straw, and choked when a tapioca 'bubble' came flying up the straw and almost lodged in his throat.

The Hatter chewed thoughtfully. "Very nice. Now, let's go!"

* * *

A/N: This is just the pilot chapter. ILOVE BUBBLE TEA! BUBBLE TEA IS MY LIFE! 

Do you want to know the real reason why I started this story? Well, here it is: I was sick of how all the Alice in Wonderland fanficts were all really American McGee's Alice fanficts. I love American McGee's Alice (and bubble tea), but THERE IS A SEPARATE CATEGORY FOR IT, YOU KNOW. Keep the Alice category to Alice. And I love bubble tea. Did I say that before?


	2. Chapter 2: Sheepiness

A/N: Bubble tea two is now up! Please review! There's no point in reading if you don't review!

As Kelly notably pointed out…yes, that's Kelly…over there…waving…in the corner…yes, her. Some of you might not know what bubble tea is. The truth is, it is a refreshing teaish beverage. It comes in many different flavors, but I usually have either in strawberry or mango (I prefer mango, which is why the March Hare got it. Sorry, Hatter, but you'll have to miss out this time.) I don't know exactly how they make it, but it has these black tapioca 'bubbles' that you suck up through a fat straw, and are about the texture of…I don't know, somewhere between jello and gum. It is probably the best drink ever created, so I decided that was why it was worth naming a story after. And just so you know, I can get it from most Chinese restaurants in town, but I'm not sure if that's because of the high demand from all of the Korean students here, or if they have it at all Chinese restaurants. It's worth asking for, so the next time you're at a Chinese restaurant ask for a bubble tea. Or you could just run a Google search for it.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN Alice in Wonderland, bubble tea, Harry Potter, light filters (well, I DID nick one from the theater, but that doesn't count…) or any other things contained herein.

Chapter 2: The mysterious masked sheep

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The Hare hopped ahead down the road, back to the Hatter, who was carrying a picnic basket, and the Dormouse. "Are we there yet?" he asked, tripping over the Dormouse's tail, and taking the picnic basket.

The Hatter poked the Dormouse's nose, and set him on the ground. "Tell him a story to distract him."

"Once upon a time…" the Dormouse started. The Hatter and Hare listened with rapt amusement. "There were two actresses. Well, one was an actress, and one was part of the sound crew. The actress was just minding her own business, wandering around the theater, minding her own business, telling the sound person a completely rational story about how the theater was really a secret teleportation zone that went to the Amazon jungle, and holding a light filter up to her eyes to make everything look blue, and the sound person said she was strange! Can you believe that? Nobody understands creative genius anymore."

The March Hare and Mad Hatter muttered in agreement, and were shoved away from each other by the White Rabbit.

"I say, watch out!" the Mad Hatter cried, as some tea sloshed out of the container he was holding carefully.

"I'm late, I'm late!" the White Rabbit shrieked. "I have no time for this…madness!"

The Mad Hatter slung an arm around the White Rabbit's shoulders. "Now, White Rabbit, I have a business proposition for you. What do you say that you tell us how you get up to the other world, through the rabbit hole?"

"It wasn't me!" the rabbit squealed, backing up. "It was the mysterious masked man!"

"Where?" the March Hare leapt up in the air, and glanced about suspiciously.

Waving the teapot at the White Rabbit, the Mad Hatter added mencingly. "And if you don't tell us, I might just have to…"

The Rabbit covered his head with his arms and whimpered.

"Might have to…" the Mad Hatter glanced around for inspiration. The March Hare shrugged. "Might have to tie you onto a racing bandersnatch!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO! Anything but that!" the White Rabbit wailed. Go to the sheep with the shop of curiosities. She ought to have something…please, I'm late, I'm late!"

The Mad Hatter released his coat, and the Rabbit sprinted off, muttering to himself, "I'm late! I'm late!"

"You know." The Hare sauntered over to the Hatter. "I really think that Harry Potter book sales are going to drop when he graduates from Hogwarts."

"I know. But you never know, h might last another couple years after that. He's a resilient boy."

The Dormouse jumped. "You know what might be interesting? If they killed good old Harry off the year after he graduates!"

Both the Mad Hatter and March Hare jumped back, stunned by the Dormouse's most recent utterance. They nodded, both in awe.

"Anyway, what's the best way to get to this sheep's shop?" the Hare picked the Dormouse up, and asked.

"I don't know." The Hatter spun around a couple of times, and pointed in one direction. "Let's GO!"

The trio sprinted off, all in different directions, and stopped around a hundred meters away. The Hare and Hatter all turned around and ran in the direction of the Dormouse, the Hatter pulling the Dormouse up from it's permadoze to join them running.

* * *

Alice lay out in her garden. Tillie stared down at her, flipping through her magazine. "Alice! Whatever are you doing? You'll mess up your dress!"

Alice wrinkled her nose in a particularly infuriating way at her older sister, and continued writing in her journal.

"You're a Virgo, aren't you?" Tillie turned her magazine sideways. "Your friends are very loyal. Change is going to happen soon. Very dramatic change, apparently. Hmmm. Expect the unexpected. You are to travel. You are sure to win a checkers game. Beware excessive tea."

"Sounds like an interesting horoscope." Alice said, scribbling it down in her journal. "Beware _what_?"

"Excessive tea. Strange. All mine said was that I would meet a tall, dark, and handsome stranger, become an opera singer, and move to Colorado."

* * *

"Welcome to the shop of curiosities." The sheep behind the counter smiled gently at the tea unit, who were browsing the shop.

"Whoa! Where did you come from?" the Mad Hatter jumped back.

"I've been sitting here since you came in." the sheep said, unfazed by the trio's almost blinding aura of madness.

"Oh. Well…" The Hatter leaned over the counter, glancing about to see if any other people were listening. None were, as the Dormouse was asleep over at the collection of white teas, and the Hare was nowhere to be seen. "I am about to make you an offer you cannot refuse…"

"Oh, yes I can. Do you like seaweed?" the sheep said firmly.

Taken aback, the Mad Hatter sighed. "All I want is to find some way to get out of Wonderland."

"Whyever would you want to do that?" the shellshocked sheep widened her eyes. "People are actually _trying_ to get here. Why would you want to go up there?"

"I need to find the girl who came here…a year…two?...well, whenever ago." The Hatter shrugged.

"Oh, _that_ one." The sheep sighed. "I took her boating. She caught a crab."

"Yes, that one!" the Hatter motioned with his hand excitedly. "I want to go see if she wants to have more tea."

"Of course." The sheep motioned the Hatter over to her, so they were only about an inch apart. "Use my boat. It'll get you anywhere you possibly want to go, if you just paddle long enough."

"I can't thank you enough!" the Hatter jumped with exhilaration. He roused the Dormouse, and went off in search of the Hare. He found him standing in a hallway, with his arms full of tea and bath sponges, and wearing a t-shirt that said 'Iheart Tea' on it, and a touristy hat with 'Sheep's Shop of Curiosities' printed in large purple lettering. "Hare! We have a boat!"

"We do?" the March Hare dropped all the tea he was carrying, and sat back and started rowing. The Mad Hatter, now clad in enthusiastic pirate gear, pulled out his spyglass and looked around, almost impaling the Dormouse, who was sleeping, tied to the mast of the boat.

"HaHA!" the Mad Hatter stood in the prow of the boat, as the shores of the real world drew near. "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!"

* * *

A/N: In conclusion, I love bubble tea. 


	3. Chapter 3: Boat to Anywhere

A/N: I AM NOW OFFICIALLY A SOPHOMORE! Woot! Under the sea…under the sea… out in the sun they work all day, but down here we always play!

Sorry it's taken so long, but my laptop sort of…smashed…and I didn't have any of my documents saved on a different computer. What do they got? A lot of sand? We've got a hot crustacean band! Review away!

Disclaimer: I do not own Alice in Wonderland, or _I Like to Move It, Move It _or _Under the Sea_. I do, however, own this fanfiction. And I like it. The poem is mine too. It's called 'Here's to you, Ms. Durrett.' It got me runner up in my school's poetry contest. Watch…little lines from it will keep popping up everywhere. Kelly knows!

Chapter Three: One-way Boat to Anywhere

The Hare paddled enthusiastically, flying through the grass at an excessively fast speed. "Wait! Wait!" the Hatter called down to him from the prow of the boat. "We're here!"

They unhitched the Dormouse from the mast. He was still sleepily muttering "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we…snore."

The Hare tweaked his whiskers, and he quit his mumbling, just in time. Alice, still scribbling in her journal. The Hatter dove behind a large hedge, and the Hare tossed the Dormouse into a large shrubbery headfirst, but before he could dive in behind her, Alice stopped, and emoted a few brief couplets.

"To write a couplet, I thought,

Is a skill that cannot be taught." She said, reading intently.

"But couplets DO sound rather crass.

Nothing of the caliber of _Leaves of Grass_. What do you think, Tillie? I like it…or do you think that nobody would get the _Leaves of Grass_ reference?"

The March Hare froze, and then squeaked in a very pathetic and high-pitched voice, "That was very nice dear. No go run along and play checkers or something."

Alice looked over the top of her book, and opened her mouth, but fortunately the Hatter was there to save the day. He lunged out of his hedge, yelling "KAMEHAMEHA!" at the top of his lungs, and clamped his hand over Alice's mouth. The Hare sighed, and retrieved the Dormouse, who was very leafy and twiggy, out of the shrubbery.

"Promise you won't scream?" the Hatter asked Alice, who nodded suspiciously. He removed his hand, and Alice wasted no time in spinning around, and slapping him across the face with her book. His hat flew off, and the hare dove for it, retrieving it before it hit the ground.

"Well that felt unnecessary." The Hatter sniffled. He lunged for his hat, but the Hare pulled it out of reach again.

"You have HAIR!" the denizen of March raised his furry eyebrows.

"Yes, I have hair." The Hatter ruffled his black hair uncomfortably, and snatched at his hat again.

Alice sank down on a rock. "Are you really real this time?"

The three Wonderland folk froze, (well, only two of them. The leafy Dormouse was already frozen, he was asleep.)

"Of course we're really real!" the Hare gasped. "What else would I be? A crumpet?

"But…but…but…" Alice stood back up again, and started backing away. "But…"

"But it's been two weeks, I know." The Hatter sighed.

"No, three!" the Hare snapped at him.

"Eight weeks. It's been eight weeks!" the Dormouse roused himself enough to say.

The Hatter and Hare broke into a rousing argument, which ended with the Dormouse flinging himself between them and yelling. "You've got to move it, move it!"

Once that was done, the Hatter and Hare had a wild dance off, with the music of _I Like To Move It, Move It_ coming from somewhere.

"Wait, wait!" Alice yelled. The music shrank back, and the Hare and Hatter both sheepishly got up from where they had been madly breakdancing, and both pouted and looked at Alice.

"Why are you here?" she gasped.

"We missed you." The Hatter shuffled his feet. "We want you to come back to Wonderland."

Alice blinked sadly at the three figures in front of her. The Hatter, who had been so much taller than her when she was in Wonderland, was now her height, well, a few inches taller. The Hare would actually be a little shorter than her, if it weren't for his ears. The Dormouse, well the Dormouse was just the same, still round and plump and short enough to pick up and push into a teapot. "I…I can't."

"Whyever not?" the Hare gave an indignant hop. "Of course you can. The boats right over…there…" he wheeled about, and finally located the innocent little rowboat hiding in a corner.

"It's been more than two, or three, or eight weeks." Alice picked up her poetry book, and held it to her chest. "It's been five years."

"Five years. That long?" The Mad Hatter asked. "Maybe that's why all the Earl Grey ran out. We've been having more Ceylon Raspberry." He told Alice. "And the Hare's getting crazed by this thing called 'bubble tea'."

The Hare blinked at Alice. "It's AMAZING! Well, I don't really know if you know this, but bubble tea can actually be tea, milk tea, OR a smoothie. The smoothies don't have any tea in them."

Alice laughed at the crazy antics of her old friends. "But…oh, very well. But only for a little visit…to see the Cheshire Cat, the Caterpillar, Tweedledee and Dum, and the Duchess and Cook. And the White Rabbit. Who could miss him?"

"Splendid!" The Hatter cried, and darted over to the boat, pulling it out from where it was awkwardly wedged into a shrubbery.

"Wait…wait…wait…" Alice held up her hands. "I should pack!"

"NO!" the Hare yelled, leaping into the boat. "Come on! We're going to Wonderland! You don't need anything from here where you're going!"

The Hatter tossed the slumbering Dormouse into the boat and took Alice by the arm. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Scared?" He pulled his spyglass out of his belt, knocking his hat off again. He picked up a pirate hat, placed it on Alice's head, and handed her the spyglass. "Come on!" he dragged her towards the boat. "We're going to Wonderland!"

A/N: I'm sorry. I just didn't have the heart to write more. You should be thankful I was able to finish this one at all. You see, today was graduation. My Mad Hatter is now gone. What is the Hare and Dormouse to do if they don't have their Hatter? Not only that, but three of my best friends are leaving. I am never going to see them again. Once you have lived across the hall from someone for an entire year, you aren't just friends…you're sisters. When you lose your sisters, it's incredibly painful. I just listened to "Sophomore Slump of Comeback of the Year" by Fall Out Boy for the past half-hour straight. "Are we going up, or just going down? It's just a matter of time until we're all found out. Take your tears and put them on ice, because I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the lights…"

I LOVE YOU ALL!


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